Floating On The Extreme Right Wing Of Caution

I'm stepping out onto the ledge of life once again.  All the experiences that lie ahead.  Passion, Tranquility, Spirituality, and Drama (God please no more drama).   It all awaits me.

What I cannot undo is the memories of the past few months.  Those memories, those feelings and realities, all are playing a role in how I address prospective relationships as well as current ones.

In the beginning of my swinging, when I used to focus mainly on couples, I had a specific rules of how I engaged in play. No matter what, the primary (wife) was always put in a position where she knew who I was and what I was about.  I was always very careful in that role as the 3rd person.  I knew I was the one invited in.  I was an outsider.  I was expendable.  I knew it, and I accepted it.  It is how it is done.  It is the right way to do it.

Sure, there were offers made.  But what I always made sure of, through my actions more than words, was that I was devoted to being a positive addition to their union or I was not going to be there at all.  I paid attention to the signs.  If I had the slightest idea that there was any problem, whether it be them or me, I would back off or drop completely out!  I did so on more than 1 occasion.  There was something not right for them.  I saw it and took enough responsibility to remove myself from the situation.  And so I thought, others would do the same.

The hard lesson learned..  Not everyone thinks on the same level of common sense and respect that I do.  I'm not saying I don't make mistakes, but I usually don't keep making the same mistakes.  I mean, how often can a "mistake" actually happen before it is recognized as a purposeful action.  A Pattern.

So now, as I step out and look down into this huge cavern of darkness, I have that knowledge, I'm watching closer at my own actions.  Probably reading more into a situation than I should, being more weary of what my attentions might cause, how they are interpreted.

I'm cautious.  I'm overly cautious.  I'm obsessively overly cautious.

I'm engaging at the moment, an idea, a prospect for further attention.  But am I on the edge of caution so far that I will be too cautious, give the feeling I am not interested or ambiguous to extending it further?  It weighs heavy on my mind.  Giving what is needed or desired, but holding back too much in order to keep from putting anyone else through what I have experienced.

I do know, if nothing else, I can do the right thing.