The Chosen Family

Last week, we celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary.  The Wednesday before, his submissive was injured badly but nothing critical and was hospitalized.  He was vigilant to her bedside Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.  Saturday and Sunday we stayed at home.  Not much happened.  Monday, was our anniversary.  I had only gotten him a card.  A simple one with a small message that I'm sure didn't give much hope to us working this out.  He in return, gave me nothing.  No card, no gift.  Second year in a row for no gift.  Does any of this sound familiar?

As I sat on the couch beside him, he said he thought we should go to the beach.  I accept the offer and we spontaneously jumped in the car and went.  It took me awhile to relax with him.  But this type of spontaneous is what I have been missing and so I began to enjoy myself.  We drove to Seaside along Hwy 30.  Had Mexican food for lunch, and then walked out to look at the ocean for about 30 minutes before heading back to the car.  We hadn't been to Seaside since the night after our last therapist meeting together, when he told me he needed to check in with his sub because he hadn't told her where he was going.  There's a blog post about that somewhere in here.

Down Hwy 101 we drove through the day.  At Manzanita beach we stopped and walked out onto the sand.  There, we sat against a log, watching the beauty of the beach, the ocean, and trying to hold on.  Back in the car, we continued to drive, finally hitting Lincoln City.  It was getting late and we needed dinner.  As we searched for a place to eat, he asked me what I wanted to do.  I said I wanted to get a hotel room overlooking the ocean, have dinner, and stay the night at the beach (something I've wanted for quite some time).  We booked a room at The Inn At Spanish Head, a resort hotel on the beach.  We dined on the 10th floor, overlooking the ocean.  It was comfortable.

I asked him that night in the hotel room, what might happen if/when his submissive and her husband were no longer.  How she would rely on him to be the one and only solice for her.  He told me he couldn't take on that role.  I wanted to believe him.

The next morning, she was to go into surgery.  He texted with her until she was scheduled to go under.  And we headed home.  He had a lesson in the evening.  Then, he went to the hospital to be there when his sub got out of surgery.

Wednesday, he texted me about her status, and I tried to be supportive.  I had not said anything against his need to be at her bedside.  I just let it go.  Wednesdsay night at 2:30am my phone rang.  It was his submissive.  Crying uncontrollably and asking for my husband.  I gave him the phone.  She had run out of pain meds and the nurses were getting the orders to give more.  She was in pain, I understand that.  But what happened next, I cannot think anyone would be ok with.  My husband asked me if he could get out of our bed at 3am to go be with his submissive in the hospital.  If I had said no, then once again, I am the monster,, the villian, the wicked which of the west.  He would have laid there feeling resentful and she would have demonized me to all of the community for something she herself would not have allowed to happen to her.  Where was her husband, her family?  I know the pain was great, but to call someone elses husband in the middle of the night to come be with you in the hospital, where there are people to take care of you, and it isn't like they are going to let you sit there all night without pain medication.  This is an example of the disrespect I have been shown throughout the affair.

Yes, that is how I view it.  It turned from a D/s relationship with the primary relationship being our marriages, to an affair.  I do not condone the affair, I don't even like it, but it is something that he will refuse to change and that is his choice.  He will be the one who has to live with his choices.

The rest of the week, he was in her hospital room every night.  She was to go home over the weekend and so he stayed home as well.  Already disconnected from him in order to preserve some portion of dignity and to keep from throwing glass objects at him, I remain quiet.