It's a new year, so I suppose that is why I'm feeling the urge to shed off all the negative energy and skin that has existed for the past year.
I want to start new, but I'm afraid if I do, it will all return again to how it was. But the difference is, now I know, that if it does go that way. I have the strength to do what is right for me. I guess that is my way of saying, I let go.
Where this time last year, I felt like there was really nothing to do, no place to go, emptiness... I feel right now like I have so much to accomplish, to experience, to finish, that I can't seem to organize my thoughts.
I have focused so highly on keeping my marriage in tact that I've let everything else go. It's been up and down like a roller coaster. I needed some grounding. I know I have the support offered, but until recently, I don't think I took advantage of what has been there. By seeing that, I am also considering taking advantage of what is being offered. But then the fear sets back in again.
I am not sleeping right now. I'm restless, wanting, waiting, desire is getting the better of me in this sleep deprived state.
The log in the fireplace is glowing embers now. I need to buy a new box. I guess that's how I feel, I've been a pile of embers for the past 12 months. Now it's time to light a new flame.
And see what burns.
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