Not Running This Time

I texted a friend the other day and asked why is it when you try to communicate your feelings or thoughts or concerns, that people call it "drama".

His response had something to do with people just not wanting to face their own emotions.

So I've had opportunities to communicate, and instead, chose to avoid creating what I felt would be percieved as "drama" by just dropping out of the relationships.  I felt that if I wasn't part of them, then what I was feeling and dealing with, wouldn't have to be discussed and therefore, I would avoid causing them the drama they didn't want any part of.  I succeeding in hurting them, hurting myself, and not having two good friends in my life for almost a year.

So I did learn during that absense from their lives.  I learned that instead of running, I should have spoken.  I should have talked about it, I should have at least tried to trust them with what was going on behind the scenes of what they were seeing on the outside.  I never gave them that opportunity.

I had a concern, about a post I read, and so I asked this friend what I should do, if I should contact the author and just ask.  His response was yes - ask.  And so I did.

I'm glad I did.  There was a coincidence in timing of another thing that was happening in my life and I wanted to make sure that there hadn't been some misinterpretation or misunderstanding of the connection between the two.  I almost avoided asking the question directly because I wanted to avoid creating "drama".  but I realized, I need to do this, to trust in the relationship we were rebuilding, to find out if I was capable of not running.

I'm learning I'm trying, and I sure as hell hope I'm heading in the right direction.

One things for sure, I'm not running anymore, even from the new stuff.