I'm going on the second week of happy.
No, there are no drugs.
Some things have changed, for the better. Other things, still remain the same, and I really don't see them changing any time soon. The most important part of all this is that I am finding a way to wrap my mind around it so that it isn't tearing me up inside.
No, we are not friends, I doubt that will ever be, but I am being tolerant. As long as everyone minds their manners and understand I will not be walked on, I think everything will be fine. If that is "Intimidating", then so be it. I will not run from that word any longer.
I am enjoying the limited time I do get to spend with my husband. We are spending more and more quality in our time together, less tension. We still don't talk like we used to about our lives (I miss that), but at least it doesn't feel (to me) like there is a huge elephant in the room. I love him dearly and I hope as time goes on, the desires will return.
I am enjoying riding my horse. I absolutely LOVE riding my horse. Tristan is my solid foundation. I'm finding that a 30 minute ride in the arena is as therapeutic for me as a 5 hour ride around the lake. I enjoy him so much. I want to learn to drive the horse trailer so I can go ride by myself and not rely on someone to take me. Hell, maybe I should start by just learning to load and unload my own horse...ya think?
I am back in touch with people again. Friends of all sorts who have been on the sidelines, waiting for me to come back. I like the excitement I feel from them. The support they have given me. New friends, new play partners, new worlds I've never even considered touching before, all are on my horizon.
The sun seems to be rising, the warmth is hitting my skin.
I'm working on being whole, again.
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