Open Arms

A few lucky people have a song.

For us, that special song, our special song is "Open Arms" by Journey.

The song we listened to as high school sweethearts.

The song we played as I walked down the aisle.

The song, the music, the lyrics that well outlines the journey we have taken to get to where we are, at any point in our lives together.

As our lives change, as our hearts break and repair, people come in and fade out, some negative, some positive, choices and assumptions... the words of the song continue to hold true to us, our love, and our eternal existence in this life, those lives that were previous, and those lives still to come.  "We sailed on together, we drifted apart, and here you are by my side"...

Lying beside you, here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine.
Softly you whisper, your're so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you, with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you'll see what your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay.

Life Is Changing

The love my husband and I share for each other has grown stronger each and every day.
As we lie in bed in the mornings, talking softly, sweet kisses, speaking of nothing but I love you.
As we lie in bed at night, the final continued embrace before drifting off.
The touch of skin as our naked bodies become one.
The intensity of our lovemaking in the past months has been explosive.
We can't seem to get enough of each other.


We strive to work harder at our communication.
23 years of marriage is no easy task.
We are proud of our accomplishment.
Now we have added a secondary relationship into the mix.
His work is cut out for him.
His choice for a secondary was not the wise one, but the easy one.
And I understand, and I give freely because I want him to have this first experience.

As he moves on to other relationships in the future, he will realize that it will get easier.
Communication will flow as we learn.
His choice in his next relationship will be wiser.
He will realize the secondary relationship need not be so time consuming or dramatic.
It should be fun.
It should be exciting.
It should be easy.
For both of us.

A Virus

A small, insignificant entity that on it's own, causes no disease, no stress, no problems to human existence.

The virus, when introduced into a hospitable environment,  will disguise itself as a friendly element that the host does not see as a threat.  With no threat, the host puts up no barriers, does not try to defend itself, and does not recognize the infection, until it's too late.

Once detected, there are ways to eraticate some viruses.  Strong systems of immunity, strength, and outside elements can sometimes help. Other viruses, unfortunately have painful side affects, cause deterioration, and in the most extreme circumstances, death.


The question is, how dangerous is the virus.

A Nightmare

We were in Israel, or someplace like that.
Walking and talking.
I was wearng that black dress you bought me for my Birthday.
People started running.
We followed and looked up into the sky to see what they were seeing.
It was a hang glider.
And then something was dropped.
It was a bomb.
People started screaming.
We heard the explosion, and watched as the dark cloud came towards us.
I pulled you into a small door that I had noticed was open.
We kissed.  We said I love you over and over.
We made sure we held tightly and were in each others arms when it ended.

I woke up crying.

This is what it's like to love you.
Scarier than Hell that it will end.
But making sure, that every second of every day,
we know how much we love each other.

Wading into the waters where the Green Eyed Monster lurks

Envy
Exclusion
Competitiveness

Those are the 3 flavors of the week.
I'm sure there are more, but those are the 3 that have been identified and need to be dealt with.

What do I Envy?
I envy that you will wear a piece of jewelry she gave you to work, when I was told long ago that you couldn't wear jewelry because it was dangerous in a machine shop.
I envy that you can text with her and communicate more than you ever communicated with me.
I envy that you have someone else to play with often and I do not.
I envy that you can tell her you care for her, while I cannot admit that to my special playmate.
I envy that you have so much patience for the drama and baggage that her marriage carries into our lives, when I have worked so hard to keep drama out of your life because you didn't want it.


What makes me feel Excluded?
I feel excluded because you take her into another room or a different location to be affectionate, and limit that affection in front of me.
I feel excluded that you won't share details of your journey with me.  I want to know what your thinking, how it's feeling, special names...those special things I shared with you.
I feel excluded that you always want to be alone with her, not including me in time together to just hang out.

Why do I feel Competition?
I am feeling an unfairness.
It's unfair that I passed up so many opportunities to play in order to show you how you were #1 in my priorities.  You take advantage of every opportunity, even when her husband is having problems with it.
It's unfair that I paid such close attention to the time in which I played so that you would know that you could trust rely on me.  When you loose track of time with her, I percieve it as loosing track of me.
It's unfair that I tell my playmates how much I love you and emphasize your my #1 priority, and you don't make that a priority to tell her.
It's unfair that you wanted to be where I was and I felt the pressure of you waiting for me to finish playing so you could drive me home, and I give you only a time in which I want you in my bed at night.

I realize these points are all irrational.  I realize that in all these instances, it was me making the decisions to give, rarely did you vocalize or ask me to give it.  I am dealing with them the best way I can.  I talk to you.  I talk to people. I read about it.  And now, I blog about it.

Most of all.  I love you.

25 Years Ago Today

For some, the assassination of JFK will be vivid in their minds.  They were there watching when the shots were fired.  They watched as their beloved President died before their eyes (I know, speculation about when he actually died, but lets face it, half you brains on lying on the backseat of a car, the outcome isn't going to be in your favor).

For me, there are two specific dates and memories that bring on a weird feeling of sorrow and tragedy.  I am not alone I know.  911 is one of those dates.  I stood there watching as others did as the Towers were hit, and then that horrible feeling as they began to crash to the ground.  You could almost hear the screams from thousands of miles away.  I am weird in that I also felt them.

The other date, that will always stick with me forever, is January 28th.  The day the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded with 7 men and women on board.

Why do I remember it so vividly?  I was working as the Inventory Supervisor for Tom Peterson's (free is a very good price).  The company had just purchased the Standard TV on Foster.  We were moving in that day, taking inventory.

We all got to stop work long enough to watch the launch.  The ladies from the office, some of the sales people, and warehouse guys, we all stood in front of 200+ televisions and chatted idly as the shuttle prepared.

We became silent as we watched, the engines roar, the rockets blast, and then liftoff, smiled and made a few jokes about monkeys?

And then, before our eyes, and all around us on every screen in the showroom, it happened....

Some where asking, what happened?  Some were saying it was just the rockets dropping away from the shuttle. But I knew immediately.  I knew this wasn't normal.  I knew the shuttle did not continue on its way.  I knew at that moment, what had happened.  I walked away and went back to work.  I didn't need to keep seeing it over and over on the screens.  It as imbedded in my head, in my memory.

And today,  I am reminded again.

The Hotel - Part 3 A Taste Of Things To Come

“Close your eyes, do not open them” his deep voice causes chills through my body.  I close my eyes shut and my senses heighten.

I feel his hands on me now.  Touching my body.  I hear rustling; he is moving me in place.  His lips are on my nipples as I stand unstable and trembling.   His teeth begin to nibble, the soft nibbles only lasting moments before the harder bites follow.  I am wincing in pain, but deliciously turned on by the sensation.

Opening my eyes, I can see his mouth surrounding my breast and his eyes meet mine.

“I told you to leave them closed” he growls through a full mouth of flesh, and he grabs hard at the other breast.

I am gasping for air, trying to remember to stand still, not fight him off, and still deal with the pain.  “I’m sorry Sir” is all I can manage.   He releases his grip and continues to suck on the already sore nipple.

Pain.  Delicious pain.  My breasts are already sore and tender from time spent together this week.  They feel heavy and swollen as I cup one from underneath and lift it higher for him.

He is standing now, and I am being turned.

“Walk, and keep your eyes closed” he is telling me.  I smile and trust his lead.

The curtain had been partially opened when I walked in.  I can now feel the coldness that is penetrating the large plate glass window as I get closer.   I know what is about to happen and a sudden flight response takes over.  I step back.  Wrong choice.

His large hands are forceful as he is pushing my body, uncovered up against the window.  I know I am resisting but I can’t stop.

“Open your eyes” he almost whispers.

I am watching the cars pass on one way streets below.  The brightly lit Twin Towers of the Convention Center loom in the black sky.  My eyes are darting to the people now walking up the street and I am wondering if they are looking up, and what they can see.  I am feeling panic.  I am feeling humiliated.  I am feeling aroused.  I am being pulled away.

“Lie down” he instructs as he points to a bench just to our right.  The bench is soft.  He places a blindfold over my eyes, and I lie back.

I feel the soft bandanas he keeps in his bag as they are gently tied to my wrists.  Each wrist is being secured to the bench, it feels snug, it feels wonderfully snug.  The rope is now around one of my legs, still in boots, and my knee is being lifted and pulled towards my chin and tied off.  I feel the other leg begin tied, lifted, and secured as well.  I am exposed.

Rope is on my breasts now.  The hemp feels soft, yet strong.  I am getting a soft whiff of its fragrance.  This is something I’ve really not noticed before.  It is almost an oil smell, but not chemical but earthy.  I am staring to float now.  I cannot feel the tenderness that was in my breasts but just a few minutes ago.  I feel sensations.  I hear his voice.  I am here, but not completely.

“One” he counts as a small vibrating unit is slid inside of me.  “Two” and I can feel another.  They are creating a consistent sensation, a pressure.  He leaves me to deal with it in my own way.

I am drifting in and out.  He is still tying.  He is taking his time.  He told me he would.  I love this feeling of vulnerable and trust.  My mind is wandering as I feel the sensations and allow myself this indulgence.

I can feel his hands on me.  He is tugging on the ropes.  I resurface to realize his hands are on my legs, held up in the air by rope.  The vibrating eggs are still working internally.  He is spreading me farther apart.  He is against me.  I feel his bare skin.  I feel his hands suddenly on my nipples.

“They are purple” he says to me.  “Do you want to see them?”

I am not sure if I have answered him.  It doesn’t matter.  I feel him now and gasp as he buries himself  deep inside of me without warning.  He is rough and aggressive.  He is not making love to me.  He is using me.   This is what I had wanted.  This is what I had asked for.  I can hear in his words that he is in the frame of mind that tells me I am the slut he requested.  The hole he expected.  He is using me as I should be used.

The assault continues, the eggs vibrating in the same hole he has been using for a period of time now.  My breasts feel only the erotic sensation of being touched.  The sensation feed lubricant and is seeming to excite him more.

His vocalization as he unloads himself fills the room.  I do not hear the man I submit to.  I do not hear the man who cares for and adores me.  I hear someone else, something else.  I hear an animal rage, a roar of sorts, and I feel the continuous forceful thrusts until all is expelled.

Hours have passed.  I am not sure how long I have been tied.  He slowly begins to bring me back to him.  Removing the eggs, one at a time.  My breasts, are being unbound and blood rushing back into the veins feels like a shock.  My legs are slowly being lowered, one at a time.  Each one gently let down to the ground.  My wrists, once bound tightly to the sides of the bench, are now on my stomach, and he is removing the bandana bindings.

My blindfold is still in place.  I am helped to sit up and stand, then led slowly to the bed where I am told to crawl up and lie down.  I crawl slowly, feeling for the pillows and lie down on the cold sheet.

I can feel the pressure on the mattress as he climbs onto the bed and is lying next to me.  I smile as his arms wrap around me and gentle kisses begin to access my neck and face.  He snuggles me closer, tighter in his arms.  He breaths me in and we recharge as our energies silently exchange.

“Are you happy?” he asks me.

“Yes, I am very happy” is my reply.