Saturday, October 9, 2010
The Dungeon Mistress - Scotts Story
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Thursday, October 7, 2010
Is It Friday Yet?
Even though I'm not working full days at the warehouse right now, Friday still can't get here fast enough. There is one downside to Fridays though. No play plans for the weekend.
Tonight is a play date. I love play dates. A few hours of kinky and sexual indulgence that keeps me semi-balanced through the week. This playmate is into rough play, very rough. I love the struggle with him, the battle of wills, the physical altercations, and the final fuck. Good stuff for phone sex too..just sayin’.
The worst part of any good play date is the drop when they are gone. My drops tend to hit pretty quickly. I have learned to identify them. Know about the timeframe when they start. I’m usually prepared. Thankfully, my drops are short lived if I know when I’ll get my next date or “fix”.
Bottoming is fairly new to me. Not because I am not submissive, but mostly because it has taken me some time to find those elements of attraction, trust, and acceptance that all combine in a delicate symphony and allow me to slowly let go. I have desires to be more submissive, but as always, my issue has been control. It manifests itself in a brat form, but the truth being, I’m testing. I have to know they are in tune with who I am and what I want.
Somewhere, I think there is a Top or Dom book that only the males have access to..or maybe it’s just years of practice. I only say males because I haven’t seen this book and I know I can’t do what they are doing…what is that you ask? It’s that thing where they look at you and know that you’re hiding a desired bottom side of you under an exterior of sarcasm, denial, and Topping.
There are a couple of Tops in my life right now that I am excited to share my submissive side with. They both have different affects and create different desires in the way I approach my play with them. This is good, creates variety, and keeps me from obsessing. Unfortunately, I’m limited to one date per week with the one who leaves for weekends, and the other is on an undefined period of lockdown (long story that even I don’t fully understand).
Knife play is fun with the date for tonight. He enjoys cutting off articles of clothing. He goes about it slowly, methodically….it’s hot. Goodwill and Value Village are shopping locations of choice. I’ve warned that we will not be cutting off my French bras and expensive panties. That’s a hard limit. “RED” if you will. I’ve never been much of a clothes person. I don’t enjoy shopping.
The thought of having to hit the thrift store again this afternoon before our date is not something I look forward to. Just the shopping part is what I am pouting about. The part about picking out something fun for him to cut is exhilarating…ahhh, but I procrastinated...as usual, although in my defense, he didn’t “tell” me it was going to be a “rip her clothes off” kinda date until late last night. Poor excuse? Yea, probably, but it’s the best one I got for now.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
My Tuesday
This week, is something I've been procrastinating about for awhile now. This week, I need to finish packing up our old house and move the remaining room into storage.
Everyones lives have ups and downs, the goods the bads, the hi and the low. Poor choices and emotional devistations brought me to pretty much a screetching halt around the end of January of this year. I was someone else then. Someone who is gone now. Someone I will miss. She is dead in a sense. There is still a part of her that lives inside of me, but I think that is part of what makes Chaps who she is.
Our house is being foreclosed on. Not because of bad luck, not because of job loss, not because the banks are assholes. The truthful reason is because we managed our money poorly, we did not communicate, we were letting go, of our house, of our life, of each other. The payments were high, one month of not having enough to make that payment led to being short the next month and it all just escalates after that. As those of you who have house payments you've been late on before, you cannot make a "partial" payment, they just send it back to you. Catch it all up or don't send it at all is the philosophy. And so, I am where I am today.
It's not so bad. We have a newly refurbished 1 bedroom apartment. Small, no yard. I'm sad that I didn't get to keep my cats. I cried alot over that choice. But the human society found all of them loving homes and I didn't have to go through the agony of holding them tightly, my tears drenching their soft fur, while their eyes went glazed and they took their last breaths. The alternative to putting them up for adoption was to put them to sleep.
The bank has sent numorous mailings, telling us the house was going up for Auction or scheduled for foreclosure. We moved out thinking that we might come home and find our doors rekeyed and a notice we could not enter. Fear of loosing all of our belongings and not having a place to sleep moved us to find this apartment at the end of March.
We moved alot out of the house, figuring we would be coming back daily or weekly to get the rest. We had moved the most important things to us so we figured there wasn't as much of a rush to work on the remaining.
I got to the house about 12am just after leaving a Twisted Party. I went to unlock the door and realized the bolt was set. That was odd, I thought, we never set the deadbolt from the outside. I just figured my daughter had been there and set it when she left, so I opened the door and entered the house. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I'm pretty good at noticing the movement of items from where I last saw them, so I continued towards the back of the house to our old master bedroom. It turned on the light.
Something seemed out of place, but didn't alarm me, most everything seemed to be exactly in the shape and placement I had left it. I walked farther in the bedroom, then saw the gun safe door ajar. As I neared the safe, I could see it had dents in the door, and there was some debris on the floor of the closet where the safe was hidden. I opened the gun safe door farther, it was empty. Things were missing out of the closet as well. What things, I couldn't tell. This was my husbands side of the closet. I had no idea what had been there.
I realized that the thing I saw out of place was a small amp that had been on the floor was gone. The strangest part about that amp missing was that there had been a neatly stacked pile of papers, a pair of pants, and a tape gun on top of the amp. This pile, was now on the floor where the amp had been. Still, in the same order, still neatly stacked, as if someone took care to pick it up, move the amp, and set the stack down, not wanting to mess it up. Funny, I wouldn't have thought somebody who was ripping you off would care if a small stack of items was pushed to the side in the heat of a theft. Not unless they knew you and cared about you anyway....hmmmm
I checked the windows and the sliding glass door of the bedroom. I opened the doors to the the other bedrooms, nothing had moved. There was still a keyboard in plain sight in my sons old room and my craft room hadn't been touched, even though a computer case sat right inside the door in plain view. I went to the back door and found where a crowbar had been used to break through the bolt, the lock assembly now lying on the floor, the but door was closed. How thoughtful of them.
It was about then that I got that feeling I should have had the moment I realized we had been robbed. The prickly sensation you get when the hairs on the back of your neck perk up and the adrendalin kicks into your system. I left the lights on, shut the door and locked it, and got into my car quickly. I had no idea if they were still in the house or coming back. I called my husband and told him what I saw, then went back to the apartment. Scared and mad. How fucking dare they.
This is about the time, others would have called the police. I know, that is the logical thing to do. But you have to understand my circumstances at this point. I was working under a thin sheet of sanity at that point in my life. The house was gone, my pets were no longer in my life, my marriage was in serious danger of imploding, I was driving my husband to and from work, out to estacada and other places every night, trying to keep my committments at sesso, and not sleeping. I was a wreck. Plus, I had no idea what was in that gun safe AND I had just left a twisted party so I was dressed in knee high vynal black spike boots, fishnets, and a black corset that matched the boots. Yea, like that wasn't going to stand out.
Fast forward to today. No, they didn't catch them or find the stuff. No, I don't "KNOW" who did it but yes, I have my suspicions. Doesn't matter. Life goes on.
After being told of 4 different auction dates since December, they tell me the house was going to be foreclosed on Oct 1, yea, last friday. Guess I'll call to day and find out if they did that or whats going on. Point being, there is still 1 room left in the house that I'm having the worst time packing. It's my stamp room.
No, not postage stamps, rubber stamps. Yes, I should tell you I have a fetish for rubber stamps LOL. Small blocks of wood with an attached rubber design that can be used as artwork for so many types of mediums. Three 8' walls are lined with the blocks, most of those shelves have double layers. Everything from a series of House Mouse to the landscapes of hawaii and the forests. What do I do with these stamps? That is for future blog posts. It's a hobby. A vanilla hobby. Something "Chaps" has not allowed me the time to appreciate. I've realized after my vanilla weekend with girlfriends, that I need to do this more, dive into the ink like I used to. It allowed my senses to flow when I could be creative. I just need to do it.
The room, is in disarray right now, packing has been hard for me. There are so many small pieces, they have to packed just right so that nothing leaks, nothing bends, and nothing is broken. I went there this morning and tried. I really did. I got about 3 boxes worth packed, then had to stop. My head was hurting. My heart as well.
I moved on to some knickknacks in the master bedroom that needed special care in packing. Shelves that I wanted to keep. All now wrapped and packed, waiting to be taken out of the house.
I will go back again this week, all week, until I'm finished. I have to close that door one last time so that I never have to go back to what it once was.
Everyones lives have ups and downs, the goods the bads, the hi and the low. Poor choices and emotional devistations brought me to pretty much a screetching halt around the end of January of this year. I was someone else then. Someone who is gone now. Someone I will miss. She is dead in a sense. There is still a part of her that lives inside of me, but I think that is part of what makes Chaps who she is.
Our house is being foreclosed on. Not because of bad luck, not because of job loss, not because the banks are assholes. The truthful reason is because we managed our money poorly, we did not communicate, we were letting go, of our house, of our life, of each other. The payments were high, one month of not having enough to make that payment led to being short the next month and it all just escalates after that. As those of you who have house payments you've been late on before, you cannot make a "partial" payment, they just send it back to you. Catch it all up or don't send it at all is the philosophy. And so, I am where I am today.
It's not so bad. We have a newly refurbished 1 bedroom apartment. Small, no yard. I'm sad that I didn't get to keep my cats. I cried alot over that choice. But the human society found all of them loving homes and I didn't have to go through the agony of holding them tightly, my tears drenching their soft fur, while their eyes went glazed and they took their last breaths. The alternative to putting them up for adoption was to put them to sleep.
The bank has sent numorous mailings, telling us the house was going up for Auction or scheduled for foreclosure. We moved out thinking that we might come home and find our doors rekeyed and a notice we could not enter. Fear of loosing all of our belongings and not having a place to sleep moved us to find this apartment at the end of March.
We moved alot out of the house, figuring we would be coming back daily or weekly to get the rest. We had moved the most important things to us so we figured there wasn't as much of a rush to work on the remaining.
I got to the house about 12am just after leaving a Twisted Party. I went to unlock the door and realized the bolt was set. That was odd, I thought, we never set the deadbolt from the outside. I just figured my daughter had been there and set it when she left, so I opened the door and entered the house. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I'm pretty good at noticing the movement of items from where I last saw them, so I continued towards the back of the house to our old master bedroom. It turned on the light.
Something seemed out of place, but didn't alarm me, most everything seemed to be exactly in the shape and placement I had left it. I walked farther in the bedroom, then saw the gun safe door ajar. As I neared the safe, I could see it had dents in the door, and there was some debris on the floor of the closet where the safe was hidden. I opened the gun safe door farther, it was empty. Things were missing out of the closet as well. What things, I couldn't tell. This was my husbands side of the closet. I had no idea what had been there.
I realized that the thing I saw out of place was a small amp that had been on the floor was gone. The strangest part about that amp missing was that there had been a neatly stacked pile of papers, a pair of pants, and a tape gun on top of the amp. This pile, was now on the floor where the amp had been. Still, in the same order, still neatly stacked, as if someone took care to pick it up, move the amp, and set the stack down, not wanting to mess it up. Funny, I wouldn't have thought somebody who was ripping you off would care if a small stack of items was pushed to the side in the heat of a theft. Not unless they knew you and cared about you anyway....hmmmm
I checked the windows and the sliding glass door of the bedroom. I opened the doors to the the other bedrooms, nothing had moved. There was still a keyboard in plain sight in my sons old room and my craft room hadn't been touched, even though a computer case sat right inside the door in plain view. I went to the back door and found where a crowbar had been used to break through the bolt, the lock assembly now lying on the floor, the but door was closed. How thoughtful of them.
It was about then that I got that feeling I should have had the moment I realized we had been robbed. The prickly sensation you get when the hairs on the back of your neck perk up and the adrendalin kicks into your system. I left the lights on, shut the door and locked it, and got into my car quickly. I had no idea if they were still in the house or coming back. I called my husband and told him what I saw, then went back to the apartment. Scared and mad. How fucking dare they.
This is about the time, others would have called the police. I know, that is the logical thing to do. But you have to understand my circumstances at this point. I was working under a thin sheet of sanity at that point in my life. The house was gone, my pets were no longer in my life, my marriage was in serious danger of imploding, I was driving my husband to and from work, out to estacada and other places every night, trying to keep my committments at sesso, and not sleeping. I was a wreck. Plus, I had no idea what was in that gun safe AND I had just left a twisted party so I was dressed in knee high vynal black spike boots, fishnets, and a black corset that matched the boots. Yea, like that wasn't going to stand out.
Fast forward to today. No, they didn't catch them or find the stuff. No, I don't "KNOW" who did it but yes, I have my suspicions. Doesn't matter. Life goes on.
After being told of 4 different auction dates since December, they tell me the house was going to be foreclosed on Oct 1, yea, last friday. Guess I'll call to day and find out if they did that or whats going on. Point being, there is still 1 room left in the house that I'm having the worst time packing. It's my stamp room.
No, not postage stamps, rubber stamps. Yes, I should tell you I have a fetish for rubber stamps LOL. Small blocks of wood with an attached rubber design that can be used as artwork for so many types of mediums. Three 8' walls are lined with the blocks, most of those shelves have double layers. Everything from a series of House Mouse to the landscapes of hawaii and the forests. What do I do with these stamps? That is for future blog posts. It's a hobby. A vanilla hobby. Something "Chaps" has not allowed me the time to appreciate. I've realized after my vanilla weekend with girlfriends, that I need to do this more, dive into the ink like I used to. It allowed my senses to flow when I could be creative. I just need to do it.
The room, is in disarray right now, packing has been hard for me. There are so many small pieces, they have to packed just right so that nothing leaks, nothing bends, and nothing is broken. I went there this morning and tried. I really did. I got about 3 boxes worth packed, then had to stop. My head was hurting. My heart as well.
I moved on to some knickknacks in the master bedroom that needed special care in packing. Shelves that I wanted to keep. All now wrapped and packed, waiting to be taken out of the house.
I will go back again this week, all week, until I'm finished. I have to close that door one last time so that I never have to go back to what it once was.
Monday, October 4, 2010
What I Have Planned For You
I have a friend who is an amazing little slut. The following is a plan created just for her. This plan will be carried out...very soon.
It's a hole in the wall theatre, dark, and dirty. You would like it.
When you walk in the door, your in a small hallway like a lobby, paying your entry fee.
After paying, you turn around and walk through a doorway and into an adult video area. You try not to make contact with the men in the room, but they are looking at you...hungry.
You will walk about 10 feet and through another doorway into a dark theatre. When you first enter, you see a large theatre screen with porn playing.
Faces become visible, but they will not approach. This is where we normally would have a choice of where to go. You won't have such an option. I will lead you to your place in the theatre. Just follow me.
As you step into the theatre you will notice an area immediately to your left. This area is for couples. The only thing between you and the many horny men is a single chain that links from one side of the entrance to the other, or the railing that allows you to view of the porn screen, but also allows the faces of these horny men to stare at you drooling. Hoping you will invite them into the area. When you sit on the benches in this area, you feel like a caged animal at the zoo. They all want to touch you. You can feel their eyes on your skin.
If you do not go to the couples area on the left, there is an area to the right just a couple of steps in that also can be chained off. It contains 6 theatre chairs, a small bench and a gyno table, complete with stirrups. It has a railing, allowing the deviants to view whatever is taking place on the table, but far enough away they cannot touch you. Again, you can invite whomever you want to join you in this area.
The theatre contains about 15 rows of seating....and then there is the stage.....that is where you will be led to.
Light from the Porn will illuminate the activities that will take place. You will stand in front of the men, who will still be in the lower seating, most with their cocks in their hands. They will be hard as they have been jerking off since the moment you walked past the close circuit cameras on the front of the theatre. They saw you walk along the sidewalk, hardening as you entered and payed your fee. They watched you walk through the adult video room. They knew you would be entering the theatre. They were waiting for you.
On the stage, I will sit in a chair that I will bring with me. Everything you do will be to please me. I want to watch and see just what a slut you can be. Give me something to write about and report back to your Master.
I will have an accomplice or two. They will select the male cock from the audience to allow up on stage. I will give final approval and watch as he puts the condom on. I will give him the ok to approach you and which orafice he will be allowed to enter. You will accomodate no matter who it is, or what hole I tell them to use. Oh, did I forget to mention you will have a blindfold on?
We will bring lube so you will not dry out. We will bring plenty of condoms so that we do not run out. We will have a gag in case you decide to cry for help. You will make it through every man in the theatre that I deem clean enough to enter you.
Afterwards, you will clean yourself in front of them all while they watch from the floor below. You will dress and be led out of the theatre. Only then, will you see each of their faces, and wonder, which one of them was which, and realize the horror of what was allowed inside of you.
And I bet you beg me to take you back there again....
It's a hole in the wall theatre, dark, and dirty. You would like it.
When you walk in the door, your in a small hallway like a lobby, paying your entry fee.
After paying, you turn around and walk through a doorway and into an adult video area. You try not to make contact with the men in the room, but they are looking at you...hungry.
You will walk about 10 feet and through another doorway into a dark theatre. When you first enter, you see a large theatre screen with porn playing.
Faces become visible, but they will not approach. This is where we normally would have a choice of where to go. You won't have such an option. I will lead you to your place in the theatre. Just follow me.
As you step into the theatre you will notice an area immediately to your left. This area is for couples. The only thing between you and the many horny men is a single chain that links from one side of the entrance to the other, or the railing that allows you to view of the porn screen, but also allows the faces of these horny men to stare at you drooling. Hoping you will invite them into the area. When you sit on the benches in this area, you feel like a caged animal at the zoo. They all want to touch you. You can feel their eyes on your skin.
If you do not go to the couples area on the left, there is an area to the right just a couple of steps in that also can be chained off. It contains 6 theatre chairs, a small bench and a gyno table, complete with stirrups. It has a railing, allowing the deviants to view whatever is taking place on the table, but far enough away they cannot touch you. Again, you can invite whomever you want to join you in this area.
The theatre contains about 15 rows of seating....and then there is the stage.....that is where you will be led to.
Light from the Porn will illuminate the activities that will take place. You will stand in front of the men, who will still be in the lower seating, most with their cocks in their hands. They will be hard as they have been jerking off since the moment you walked past the close circuit cameras on the front of the theatre. They saw you walk along the sidewalk, hardening as you entered and payed your fee. They watched you walk through the adult video room. They knew you would be entering the theatre. They were waiting for you.
On the stage, I will sit in a chair that I will bring with me. Everything you do will be to please me. I want to watch and see just what a slut you can be. Give me something to write about and report back to your Master.
I will have an accomplice or two. They will select the male cock from the audience to allow up on stage. I will give final approval and watch as he puts the condom on. I will give him the ok to approach you and which orafice he will be allowed to enter. You will accomodate no matter who it is, or what hole I tell them to use. Oh, did I forget to mention you will have a blindfold on?
We will bring lube so you will not dry out. We will bring plenty of condoms so that we do not run out. We will have a gag in case you decide to cry for help. You will make it through every man in the theatre that I deem clean enough to enter you.
Afterwards, you will clean yourself in front of them all while they watch from the floor below. You will dress and be led out of the theatre. Only then, will you see each of their faces, and wonder, which one of them was which, and realize the horror of what was allowed inside of you.
And I bet you beg me to take you back there again....
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Innocence Lost
Of earth and of light and of darkness,
Deep breaths of the prowler does wait.
Small innocence skips home all unknowing,
Hinges creak as she closes front gate.
And danger does not creep into minds eye,
As the door handle turns and locks click.
For the beast and soon to be monster,
Creeps closer to innocents lips.
A moments time and space passes,
Slower than eternities light.
Horrifics the mind cannot fathom,
Lost innocence does not know of a flight.
The memory of betrayal stays with thee,
A torment buried deep within the soul.
Sound and or smell stirs the hauntings,
Visions of nose, mouth and eyes dark as coal.
Now grown innocence stands before mirror,
Sees scars that are hidden deep within.
Prayers to God and the Saints hasn't helped her,
She knows this act will be her last sin.
For it's torture she feels daily within her,
That others cannot see or hear.
Deep red is the blood flowing now from her,
She releases as sweet death does draw near.
And family stands at the headstone,
Grieving as loved ones must do.
Knowing the monster is among them,
Pray forgiveness because they all knew.
Chaps~
Deep breaths of the prowler does wait.
Small innocence skips home all unknowing,
Hinges creak as she closes front gate.
And danger does not creep into minds eye,
As the door handle turns and locks click.
For the beast and soon to be monster,
Creeps closer to innocents lips.
A moments time and space passes,
Slower than eternities light.
Horrifics the mind cannot fathom,
Lost innocence does not know of a flight.
The memory of betrayal stays with thee,
A torment buried deep within the soul.
Sound and or smell stirs the hauntings,
Visions of nose, mouth and eyes dark as coal.
Now grown innocence stands before mirror,
Sees scars that are hidden deep within.
Prayers to God and the Saints hasn't helped her,
She knows this act will be her last sin.
For it's torture she feels daily within her,
That others cannot see or hear.
Deep red is the blood flowing now from her,
She releases as sweet death does draw near.
And family stands at the headstone,
Grieving as loved ones must do.
Knowing the monster is among them,
Pray forgiveness because they all knew.
Chaps~
Friday, October 1, 2010
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